Thursday, September 16, 2004
Do I Look Good As A Woman?
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin'
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
--Albuquerque, "Weird Al" Yankovic
Today was rather uneventful. Oh, except that when I arrived at school I was told that my group was supposed to perform our act of the Spanish play La Casa de Bernarda Alba TODAY instead of tomorrow...
Why does the gringo never get told when there's a change of plans?
I knew my lines, but I didn't have my costume. So I called my mom, and being the great mom she is, she dropped me off some clothes just before I had to perform.
Now, pay attention, because this is important: In the plan all the characters are women. Got that? Which means that me and the other male members of our group were forced to cross-dress in order to make a good grade for Spanish class. Woohoo! But oh well. I just figured I should make the best of it...so I proudly walked on stage wearing a gold and black blouse, a long skirt, and black high heels. I think my classmates considered me the sexiest cross-dresser of the week. I feel so proud!
The play started out well. I said half my lines, walked off stage...then this part where two of the characters have a loooooong argument about each other's love lives starts. This is where things started going downhill. One of the girls kinda stumbled over her lines...this wasn't good for me, since I was supposed to come back in after I heard a certain line. And I didn't hear it. The next thing I knew, everyone was looking around like, "Who's next?" So I figured it was me. I ran out, shouted "Adela!" and never got a chance to say my other three lines. In about 10 seconds the last lines of the play were being recited. But oh well. That's life. I hope I don't get a bad grade.
And I should definitely get extra points for wearing the heels. I have more respect for women now than I ever had before.
So yeah. That was the highlight of my day. The Wests are gone now. The end.
Quotes of Da Moment:
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
--Bertrand Russell
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
--General George Patton
"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
--Joseph Stalin
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."
--Albert Einstein
You know the place
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin'
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
--Albuquerque, "Weird Al" Yankovic
Today was rather uneventful. Oh, except that when I arrived at school I was told that my group was supposed to perform our act of the Spanish play La Casa de Bernarda Alba TODAY instead of tomorrow...
Why does the gringo never get told when there's a change of plans?
I knew my lines, but I didn't have my costume. So I called my mom, and being the great mom she is, she dropped me off some clothes just before I had to perform.
Now, pay attention, because this is important: In the plan all the characters are women. Got that? Which means that me and the other male members of our group were forced to cross-dress in order to make a good grade for Spanish class. Woohoo! But oh well. I just figured I should make the best of it...so I proudly walked on stage wearing a gold and black blouse, a long skirt, and black high heels. I think my classmates considered me the sexiest cross-dresser of the week. I feel so proud!
The play started out well. I said half my lines, walked off stage...then this part where two of the characters have a loooooong argument about each other's love lives starts. This is where things started going downhill. One of the girls kinda stumbled over her lines...this wasn't good for me, since I was supposed to come back in after I heard a certain line. And I didn't hear it. The next thing I knew, everyone was looking around like, "Who's next?" So I figured it was me. I ran out, shouted "Adela!" and never got a chance to say my other three lines. In about 10 seconds the last lines of the play were being recited. But oh well. That's life. I hope I don't get a bad grade.
And I should definitely get extra points for wearing the heels. I have more respect for women now than I ever had before.
So yeah. That was the highlight of my day. The Wests are gone now. The end.
Quotes of Da Moment:
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
--Bertrand Russell
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
--General George Patton
"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
--Joseph Stalin
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."
--Albert Einstein
# posted by Andrew Johnson : 9/16/2004 07:48:00 PM 
