Ramblings of a Constipated Mind

It's late. Not only did I end up writing a very long article on Full Frame this afternoon (look for it in the paper tomorrow), but I also ended up writing that review of Invisible Children. I had forgotten about it. I don't even know if it's good enough to print...we'll see.

I have a Psychology test tomorrow I haven't studied for. I think I'll probably study a little tonight, then tomorrow before class. My E 115 class was cancelled for a reason I can't remember... thank God for small mercies. Tomorrow and Tuesday, I'll be working my butt off writing two papers. I'm exhausted, but I don't think I'll be catching up on sleep until Easter break this weekend.

But you know what? It was all worth it.

Full Frame was...amazing. Between Thursday evening and Sunday morning, I saw 16 films. I feel like I OD'd. Honestly, so much stuff happened, I can't get into it all. If you want more details, read my article.

Before I say anything else, you should check this out. It played before a few of the films. All I have to say is that it's pure genius. I'd pay to see it.

To start off, I'll comment on all the movies I saw.

Sketches of Frank Gehry: This is what officially started off the festival. Directed by Sydney Pollack (director of movies like The Interpreter and Tootsie, star of movies like Eyes Wide Shut and Changing Lanes), this movie focused on famed architect Frank Gehry (who designed this). To keep a long story short: the guy is a genius. His design sketches are pretty much just a bunch of squiggly lines. Then he makes models out of poster board and tape. Basically, he takes every geometrical concept and shape and just says, "Screw it." It's crazy. At one point in the film he even says, "This looks so stupid it just might be perfect." I couldn't have said it better myself. It's a very interesting documentary, though perhaps one of my least favorites of the festival. I don't know why...it just felt kinda standard. Maybe that's just because it's Pollack's first documentary. Still good though.

a/k/a Tommy Chong: - This one was just fun. It follows the trial and conviction of Tommy Chong (you know, Cheech and Chong) after he illegally distributed "marijuana paraphernalia" to a state that wouldn't allow it. The film presents it as an unfair case, which I kinda think it was. When we're at war and fighting terrorism, something tells me the government shouldn't spend nearly so much resources and manpower arresting guys who use bongs.

Still Standing: - One of three films I saw about Katrina. It's short (7 minutes) but sweet, as it follows a Colombian grandmother whose home was completely destroyed.

After Katrina: Rebuilding St. Bernard's Parish: - Again, pretty good. This one was about the residents of St. Bernard Parish in Mississippi, which was 100% destroyed by the hurricane. It takes a look at people who want to rebuild their homes there, rather than move.

Desert Bayou - The best of the Katrina films I watched. This one was very entertaining, and sometimes humorous, as it examined a group of African-Americans who were evacuated from New Orleans and moved to Utah...which is 95% white and filled with Mormons. Talk about culture shock.

A Lion in the House - This was probably the best film I saw. It's absolutely stunning. Not to mention it's 4 hours long. If a documentary can be epic, then this is it. It follows 5 families of children with cancer....it took five years to make. When the filmmakers went into it, they didn't know which kids would survive and which would die. I can't believe some of the stuff they managed to film. This was an honorable mention for the Grand Jury Prize (which ended up going to a film I didn't see, Iraq in Fragments), for good reasons. It's incredible.

The Boy in the Bubble - Takes a look back at "Bubble Boy" David Philip Vetter, who lived his entire life in a plastic container to keep out germs. Pretty good film.

So Much So Fast - One of my favorite of the films Mason and I saw. It follows a guy named Stephen Heywood who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) over a period of 4 years, as his body gradually becomes paralyzed and his brother searches for a cure. Not only is it touching, but it's also quite funny, believe it or not. Heywood never loses his sense of humor, even when he can't speak. And it's worth seeing just to take a look at the technology they use to help him move and communicate.... it's like something out of a science fiction novel.

Stand Like Still Living: A short documentary about a couple of people with aids in Africa. So-so.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated - The one film I had heard of and really wanted to see... it ended up being one of my favorites. It takes a look inside the MPAA ratings board, and questions whether or not it's necessary and if they're actually doing a good job. It especially focuses on films that are rated NC-17, and the reasons why. This film was hilarious. People in the audience were nearly rolling on the floor at some parts. It's very entertaining, and brings up some very interesting points about the way movies are rated. I already had a subtle dislike for the MPAA before seeing this film - now I really don't like it much at all. Admittedly, the film is extremely biased, but you do have to wonder why the raters are kept anonymous, and why it appears as though they may not actually speak for the average parent at all. Not only that, but it includes interviews with various filmmakers. I found it fascinating. Ironically, it got an NC-17 rating since it includes graphic clips from NC-17 films. Go figure.

North Korea: A Day in the Life: - A pretty good short, from what I saw of it at least. I was in the back and for the first half these people's heads were in the way and kept me from reading the subtitles. Not cool.

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple: - Very good. In the program, this was just labeled as a "Sneak Preview"; we didn't know what it was until seconds before the screening. Basically, we were the first audience to ever watch it. And it's just downright creepy. It examines the Peoples Temple cult of the 60s and 70s and its leader, Jim Jones. Both are infamous for performing the largest mass suicide in American history. The scary thing is, the movement actually had a lot of good ideas. But Jim Jones... that guy just wasn't right in the head. Scary stuff.

The Refugee All-Stars - This film went on to win an award, and Mason and I talked briefly with one of the directors. It focuses on a group of refugees from Sierra Leone who formed a band to keep their spirits up. As I watched it I was sorta in that place between consciousness and unconsciousness for some of it (sleep deprivation does that to a guy), but from what I do remember and managed to absorb, it was good.

The Intimacy of Strangers - A fascinating 20-minute short that consists entirely of cell phone conversations that were secretly recorded. You come away with the feeling that even though these people were strangers, they were somehow linked, and even though many of them claimed to be in intimate relationships, the fact that they were on their cell phones seemed to undermine that. Very good. It won the President's Award for best student film.

John and Jane Toll Free - A humorous look at a few people in India who work at those call centers. You know, the ones that call up Americans offering free stuff. Telemarketers. Customer support. That kinda thing. I enjoyed this film a great deal. It really has a lot to say about globalization and how America is presented to developing countries - as a perfect country where everyone is rich and happy.

Crisis: - A film from decades ago that captured JFK during the integration issue with the University of Alabama. I was once again in my not-quite-awake mode, so I didn't really absorb it or enjoy it. Interesting, but not one of the better documentaries I saw.

Also, since we had press passes, Mason and I were able to gain access to a lot of cool stuff.

We went to the opening night party on Thursday night, but that was kinda boring. We didn't know anyone, and there wasn't much going on except for the free food.

On Friday, I went to a press conference with Sydney Pollack. That was pretty interesting, and it helped me get a lot of quotes for my article. I ended up seeing Pollack several times that day, often standing inches away from him, but I didn't speak to him. I was too much of a coward. He sorta had this demeanor around him that suggested he wasn't the kind of celebrity that likes to talk to fans. In fact, he didn't seem very enthusiastic about his film at all. Maybe that's just his personality. Anyways...whereas a lot of the documentary filmmakers were frequently talking to members of the press, the only time I saw anyone talking to Sydney they were sitting down, like they had an appointment. I also think I heard a women try to talk to him or get an interview, but he told her he didn't have time. So yeah. I didn't talk to him, but I did stand in his presence. Maybe that counts for something.

Today I went to another press conference, this time with Danny DeVito. He was very enthusiastic, and funny. He was there simply to announce Jersey Docs, a company he's started that will distribute documentaries online for download and viewing through a broadband channel called ClickStar. It's something he and Morgan Freeman have wanted to do for a long time, and the goal is to serve documentarians and offer them a venue to distribute their films to a wide audience. He also said its their attempt to ensure the film industry doesn't "go the way of the music industry", with the extreme amount of piracy going on. It's basically a way for people to access films online by paying for them legally. It sounded pretty cool. I later saw him again at the awards ceremony. He presented the Grand Jury Award.

Before I go collapse, here are a few of the pictures I took.


Sydney Pollack at the press conference.


More Sydney!


The Opening Night Party. Look, food!


The filmmakers of "The Boy in the Bubble" and "So Much So Fast.


The filmmakers and a one of the guys in "A Lion in the House," with his family.


Danny DeVito and the CEO of ClickStar.


More Danny!


Even more Danny!


And....yup, more DeVito goodness!


Guess who?

And finally, the picture you've all been waiting for... the highlight of today...


Danny DeVito next to a hot and sexy guy!

Yes, he really is that short. I'm about a head taller than him. This picture was taken at the awards ceremony - he went around to some of the tables and talked to people. When he came to my table, he came right to me. Maybe he had seen me at the press conference or something, I don't know. Anyways, I shook his hand, asked him a question or two about his Jersey Docs thing (read: tried to act professional and not drool on his shoes in awe), then got this picture. He seemed like a very nice guy, and was very upbeat and funny - the kind of person you'd have fun hanging out with even if they weren't a celebrity.

Anyways....that does it for now. I don't think I'll be watching any documentaries for a while...that is, until next year's Full Frame.

So yesterday in film class I asked my teacher if he was going to be at Full Frame, and if he recommended any movies, since I was planning on hopefully going to see one or two at the most.

Then I got home and was looking at the Full Frame website. I thought to myself, "You know, if The Technician wants me to cover this, they could at least offer to pay for it. This is expensive."

And it is. Individual films are $15 a pop. Passes for the whole thing are hundreds of dollars.

So I'm browsing around and I see a thing about Press Passes. So I check it out. There's an email address and phone number of the lady I need to contact if I would like to receive press passes (which I'm assuming are free). I figure what the heck, I might as well give it a shot. So I contact her, tell her I write for the Technician and I'd like some passes.

I now have press passes to the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival.

All four days.

I will most likely see between 15 and 20 films within those four days.

This is the Cannes of documentary film festivals. 100 films will be shown.

Most of the filmmakers will be there, including director/actor/producer Sydney Pollack.

I have access to all screenings, panels, and parties. Including the stuff that's by invitation only. Everything.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have a really hard Psychology test on Monday I need to study for. Plus two big papers due on Wednesday. I don't care. I'll lose sleep getting it all done, but it will be worth it. This is better than sex. And I haven't had sex. So when I say it's better than sex, I mean the idealized, glamorous version of sex I naively think of when I hear the word "sex" instead of the clumsy, awkard, not-always-too-good sex of reality.

Yeah. That's how good I feel right now.

Woohoooooo!

After many delays, the 2nd NP2K Studio Film Festival has begun. In total, only a few films were actually finished, which sucks. However, before those are released for the public's viewing pleasure, the screenplays for all the teams have been posted. After a while, there will be voting on the best scripts, two of which will win DVD prizes for Most Creative and Best Script (Raise The Red Lantern and Midnight Cowboy, respectively). Who knows, maybe all the hard work and all those drafts will pay off...

You can view and download the screenplay for The Act on this page here.

So far it seems to be getting a pretty positive response even though the majority of people on the forum are not Christians, and the script has a whole lot of spiritual themes and references. Yay!

WARNING: Contains brief language and adult themes.

So, as I'm sure you're all aware by now, that last post was a joke. April Fools. Yes, I know I'm mean. But it's not every day a guy like me comes up with a good idea for a joke.

I had considered doing this for months. Originally, I was going to write a long, dramatic post in Microsoft Word last week and copy/paste it into here when it was perfect. Sonia was also going to write a supportive post on her blog to make it seem more realistic. But we just didn't have time to go through all that.

So, at around 12:30 AM on Saturday, I tricked Karen online with the same joke. That was fun. Then, at 6:00 PM the same day, she told me I should go ahead and write a quick post off the top of my head, just to see people's reactions. So I did.

Within 3 hours I had a voicemail message from my parents saying they had bought plane tickets and were going to be in Raleigh the next day. So I panic, thinking they didn't click that pretty link at the bottom of the post, and call them. My dad acts very serious on the phone and asks me if I want both of them to come or just him. Then he says it's a joke.

There was only one joke played on me the entire day Saturday, and it was by my parents. That was good.

Anyways. That's that. Send all hate mail to me.

Honestly, I can't believe so many people fell for it. I just wrote it up in a few minutes, and thought I included enough crazy stuff for people to realize it was a joke. I even had the specific words "practical joke" in there. I mean, come on. The Brokeback comment? "Maybe if I can see how those guys dealed with their sexual confusion I can deal with my own." Puh-leeze. And I thought surely a quote by a comedian (Woody Allen) would make it clear everything was in jest. But no. I guess I'm really convincing.

Oh well. Maybe we can all learn something from this. Like: what would you do if it was true? It's one thing to say you're not homophobic. It's another thing to say it when someone you know and love is actually not heterosexual.

But on to other things. Last week was super busy (hence why the joke wasn't even more persuasive). I had reports to write, projects to prepare for, movies to watch and review, and a film festival to attend and write about. I managed to survive.

My review of ATL can be found here.

My first feature article about the Pinwheel film festival can be found here. I'm pretty happy with it, considering it's my first one. I ended up getting a call a few hours before it was due to be printed asking me to elaborate on some stuff since it was too short. A whole lot of the things I added (like the last paragraph! agh!) don't flow very well, but I guess that's what happens when I have to rush.

Invisible Children - A great, emotional documentary about children in Uganda who are abducted to fight in the rebel army. I think I'll end up reviewing this for the paper.

The Producers - Great musical, though slightly too long. I really want to see the Broadway show now.

Brokeback Mountain - Good, but overrated. Definitely not better than Crash. In fact, in terms of the Best Picture nominees, the only film I'd say it's better than is Capote. It's pretty much a hit-and-miss paradox of a film. Sometimes it seems like a genuine love story, others times it's leftist propaganda. At times I sympathized with the characters, other times I didn't care for them at all. Some scenes make sense. Other scenes don't (like how there's very little evidence of any sexual attraction between them and the next thing you know, they're having sex). So yeah. Definitely overrated, probably because critics were afraid of being labeled homophobic. Just because a movie is brave doesn't mean it's excellent.

Irreversible - This might possibly be the most graphic film I've ever seen, in terms of violence and sex. It's an unrated French film from a few years ago that caused a huge amount of controversy for that same reason.

Is it a good movie? In some ways. I enjoyed it immensely from a filmmaking perspective. But at times I think the director went a tad too far. But hey, they're French. When it premiered at Cannes, many people walked out within the first ten minutes. Others made it to the key scene and then couldn't take it. And the ones that made it to the end were split in terms of whether or not they loved it or hated it. The controversy pretty much came down to whether or not this was art or if it was explotative and pornographic.

The film is a revenge tale about how "time destroys everything", as the tagline goes. It's about what happens when a woman (Monica Bellucci) is brutally raped, and her boyfriend seeks revenge. The entire thing goes backwards, scene by scene, like Memento. It begins with a scene of two men being pulled out of a gay bar and put in an ambulance. We then see Marcus (her boyfriend) going through said bar looking for the rapist. The camerawork here is extremely disorienting - it spins and tilts all over the place. I got slightly queasy. Anyways, he gets in a fight with the person he think raped his girl, and bashes his face in with a fire extinguisher. We see it all. And it is very, very graphic. It was at this point many people left the theater.

Honestly, I didn't have as much problem with the gore (which was very obviously computer generated) as I did with the fact that it took forever to get there. There are only so many brief glimpses of gay sex orgies necessary to let the audience know, "This place is bad."

The central scene to the film is the rape scene. It's 10 minutes long. I had read so much about it, that I guess I had braced myself for worse; it wasn't that bad. It's the only scene in which the camera stays stationary and unflinching. Luckily, the angle wasn't as graphic as it could have been.

After that scene, the only controversial scene shows her with her boyfriend talking to each other as they lie nude in bed. First of all: I can appreciate a good contrast and the decision to show what a "positive" sexual relationship is like. However, it went on for too long, and showed a bit too much for my tastes. Evidently full frontal male nudity isn't as big of a taboo in France as it is here.

From an analytical perspective, this movie is great. I've read a whole lot of different interpretations of it, all of which seem valid. Roger Ebert gave it a positive review and talked about how the structure is key to understanding its message about time. Another review I read basically said, "I didn't enjoy this film, but I can defend it" and talked about how the central motif of the movie is an anus. The gay bar is called Rectum. The hallways are hellishly orange and narrow. She's sodomized in a narrow, red tunnel. What does it all mean? Ah, who can say...

The fact that it's open to interpretation both helps and hurts the film. On the one hand, I like being able to analyze and get different things from a film. On the other hand, when dealing with such a controversial and graphic movie, it would be nice to be certain that there was indeed a point to it all. Which brings up the question everyone who saw this film asked: Where do we draw the line between art and pornography? At which point does a film cease to be artistic and instead become exploitative?

Honestly, I wish I could say Irreversible was entirely artistic. In fact, I quite enjoyed its story, themes and crazy camerawork most of the time. And I actually didn't have a problem with a lot of the "objectionable" material. As one reviewer said, "If we can be realistic in regards to violence, why should sexuality be any different?" But there were a few scenes (namely, near the beginning and end) where I thought the director went slightly too far. I recommend this movie to film buffs and people looking for some good scenes, ideas, and cinematography to analyze the heck out of. But be warned: when I say this film is graphic, I mean it. It is brutal and beautiful, at the same time. Some have dismissed it entirely as exploitative porn. I think there's more to it than that. It's one of those movies I found myself loving to hate, and hating to love, a lot of the time. It's a very dark film with dark characters (Marcus = jerk) about time and dreams and the future and how one event can make things...irreversible.

As I watched this movie, I ended up asking myself what I would do in a similar situation. Would I go on a rampage for revenge if something like that happened to the girl I love?

Then I saw the rape scene. And the answer was most definitely yes. I would bash his face in until there was nothing left but dust. I know I'm a Christian, and I know Christ said to love your enemies, but everyone has their breaking point. I don't think I'd be strong enough to resist that anger. I know it's no excuse, but in the Old Testament vengeance was allowed. I can't think of another situation that might fall into that category.....that's how realistic this movie is.

I might be going to the FullFrame documentary film festival. Not only am I interested, but the people at the Technician evidently liked my first article about Pinwheel (though it was too short), and told me I could cover it for them if I wanted to. We'll see. I might go just to see "This Film Is Not Yet Rated", just because I think it looks fascinating, and has interviews with a lot of my favorite directors.

This week has been the worst, most confusing week of my life.

Not only have I had tons of work to do, but I feel like a wrecking ball has plowed into my emotional core. I am depressed. Severely.

Sonia and I broke up last Tuesday.

The reasons are hard to explain, but I suppose I have to. The only way I can think to do this is to be blunt about it. Here goes.

After careful thought and consideration, no matter how much it hurt and how much I didn't want to, I have concluded that I am a bisexual. I have had a sneaking suspicion of this - namely, the lustful urges that come and go towards members of both sexes - for the past few months. I didn't want to admit it, but it's true. I like girls. I like guys too.

You know how a post or two ago I said if I had to calculate my homosexual urges on Kinsey's scale of 1-6, I'd be a 2-2.3? I lied. It was more like a 3.2-3.8.

Anyways...yeah. I told Souwa this a few weeks ago. We prayed really hard about it, and then realized that the only proper thing to do was to break up. Let's face the facts here: she can't be with someone who isn't heterosexual, and I can't be with anyone until I get this emotional, sexual stuff worked out.

So yeah. I guess you could say I'm officially "coming out" now. Bring on the discrimination and the hate. I feel like crap already, but something tells me things might happen after I post this that make me feel like crap even more.

I don't know what to do. I'm really confused. I'm confused, depressed, and lonely. I feel like laying down and not getting up for a few days. I just want to sleep, and not have to think about all this.

I don't know. Is something wrong with me? Am I a mean person or something? I don't know. I hope not. I'm not even much of a practical joker. I'm no fun. I'm just boring. And now I'm a boring bisexual.

Tomorrow night I'm going to go see Brokeback Mountain. Maybe if I can see how those guys dealed with their sexual confusion I can deal with my own. You never know.

I'm going to go sleep now. It's 7:15. I'm just going to sleep and pray and go for as long as I can without getting up so I don't have to face the world and other people. I just can't handle it. I'm turning my phone off. Don't call me. Don't email me. Don't leave me any messages. Don't IM me. I'll post here when I'm ready to start communicating again. I need to sort all this out inside first.

I miss Souwa. I hope she's doing okay. She hasn't even posted anything about it on her blog yet. Maybe she's in denial. Like I was for a while.

I guess I should look on the bright side of things. As Woody Allen once said, "The benefit of being bisexual is that it doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night!"

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What I do know is that it's hard for a lot of you to accept this. That's understandable. I can barely believe it myself. Something tells me it'll be a few days before you get over this and talk to me again. Just don't think I'm evil because of it. After all, this day had to come eventually.