Friday, March 09, 2007
Conversation With God, Pt. 2
I screwed up again. Said some things I shouldn't have. How can I best serve You and her by letting this bitterness seep through? Oh, the difficulties that amount when you love someone enough to make them your best friend.
I wish that You would fill me up the way you do her and the others. I wish that You would seep inside my every pore, that I could give every aspect of my life to You, and know it was in good hands. Please God, explode inside me! Let your presence fill me to the brim! Make Your being and Your ways clearer to me than every before!
It's going to be a tough job, though. You'll have to ignore the thoughts and emotions that whirl about during times like this. These long, dark tea times of the soul. You'll have to force Your way in, because part of me is still angry at You. I want You, but not things that You have done and allowed. As Donne wrote, Batter my heart. Last time I prayed that prayer, you took everything away. I only pray it now because I have no other access to You. And I need You. You are my air and sustenance, even when I don't particularly like You. So get in there, God, and prove me wrong. I'm begging you. You seem to have healed her rather quickly (a fact which I'm not sure I'm happy or angry about), so I ask you to do the same to me. How ironic it is that the times I need You most are the times I'm most fed up with You.
Oh Master of the Universe, oh Lord of all Creation, hear the cries of Your servant, no matter how wrong or misguided they may be. As always, I am broken, and in need of mending. I'm feeling a bit like Earl Partridge, overcome with regret. Help me use those regrets to walk more fully in You. I will follow You, Lord, even if at the moment I can't look You in the eye.
I wish that You would fill me up the way you do her and the others. I wish that You would seep inside my every pore, that I could give every aspect of my life to You, and know it was in good hands. Please God, explode inside me! Let your presence fill me to the brim! Make Your being and Your ways clearer to me than every before!
It's going to be a tough job, though. You'll have to ignore the thoughts and emotions that whirl about during times like this. These long, dark tea times of the soul. You'll have to force Your way in, because part of me is still angry at You. I want You, but not things that You have done and allowed. As Donne wrote, Batter my heart. Last time I prayed that prayer, you took everything away. I only pray it now because I have no other access to You. And I need You. You are my air and sustenance, even when I don't particularly like You. So get in there, God, and prove me wrong. I'm begging you. You seem to have healed her rather quickly (a fact which I'm not sure I'm happy or angry about), so I ask you to do the same to me. How ironic it is that the times I need You most are the times I'm most fed up with You.
Oh Master of the Universe, oh Lord of all Creation, hear the cries of Your servant, no matter how wrong or misguided they may be. As always, I am broken, and in need of mending. I'm feeling a bit like Earl Partridge, overcome with regret. Help me use those regrets to walk more fully in You. I will follow You, Lord, even if at the moment I can't look You in the eye.
# posted by Andrew Johnson : 3/09/2007 01:56:00 AM 
