Ramblings of a Constipated Mind

So, after 2 weeks of extreme stress, another weekend has arrived. This weekend is still going to be a bit stressful. But at least the end is in sight.

I went to Best Buy today and found that In Treatment has been released on DVD. Not only that, but the price tag said $19.99. I thought to myself, "A new HBO show that I want to see? For $20? Better take it while I have the chance."

So I brought it up to the counter and it rang up as $54.99. They called the manager over and he approved the discount since it was their labeling error. So, factoring tax, I got an awesome show on DVD for about $40 cheaper than the retail price. Booyah.

The main reason I bring this up is because it was a nice end to a pretty bad week. Not to mention the show is about a therapist. Some days I think I could use one.

Waiting for class to start, feeling overwhelmed by everything that must be accomplished this weekend and next week, along with Full Frame.

I am overloaded. Which begs the question: how much of this my fault due to poor time management, and how much is outside my control due simply to being committed to too much stuff?

Here is the paradox of the Protestant and capitalist work ethic: I'm supposed to work hard in order to be productive (and therefore be worthy of a paycheck). However, the harder I work, and the more commitments I take on, the increased likelihood of burnout. The increased likelihood of burnout, the more likely I am to want to stop working and rest, despite the amount of work I need to get done.

Therefore: An increase in hard work will eventually lead to a decrease in the desire to do that work. This in turn leads to stress since the individual is required to work when he/she doesn't want to, and may not have the time to do so.

Is some of this my own fault? Certainly. It can always be argued that instead of throwing that Singles Awareness Day party, or sleeping that extra hour, I should have been at my desk working tirelessly on all my various commitments. And yet, at the same time, a lack of a social life and at least a few moments of relaxation can lead to emotional/spiritual sapping that in turn affects both an individual's psychology and quality of work.

So, in effect, in order to produce the highest caliber of work, an individual must be allowed free time aside from that work. The problem arises when calculating a balance. No amount of pre-planning can fully account for unexpected delays and additional commitments. If I schedule myself 2 hours a day of free time, in all likelihood this will turn out to be less once transportation, meals, unexpected additions in workload, etc. make themselves known. The entire balancing act is under continuous threat of becoming unhinged, no matter how much planning (or lack thereof) is done beforehand.

I suppose at this point, all I can do is stop worrying about how I got into this situation and start figuring out how to get out of it. The problem is, again, negotiating the balance. I could binge on caffeine pills and stay up for 96+ hours straight this weekend, which would allow me time to achieve everything that I need to get done by the end of next week. Of course, by pushing my body that far, I run the risk of harming not only my physical well-being by the quality of work I'm churning out.

So, in effect, it seems no matter what I do, I'm essentially screwed. 21 hours of classes, 2 jobs, 3 podcasts, and 1 trip to China are too many tasks to deal with all at once.

Or are they? Perhaps I'm just a lazy bum.

At this point, it's impossible to say.

Christine just called me from Germany.

She's pregnant.