Ramblings of a Constipated Mind

And now it's time for further reflection on the statements I posted yesterday.

Christianity is the craziest of all religions.

This thought came to me when I was pondering how I often see other Christians (as well as myself) characterize certain aspects of other religions as "crazy." By that, I mean they assume that the main reason another religion can't be true is because its beliefs are simply too ludicrous or improbable. Examples of this include:

1) "Mormons are crazy because elders sometimes wear special linen underwear that they don't take off. Some also believe in the idea of multiple heavens, and that after death people can work their way into better heavens."

2) "Buddhists are crazy because they believe if you just concentrate hard enough, you will recognize the pattern that guides the whole universe and become enlightened. They also believe that after you die you come back in another life, and maybe not even a human."

3) "Hindus are crazy because they think cows are holy, since they also believe in reincarnation. Also: one of their gods (Ganesh) has the head of an elephant, and come on, really?! That's your god?"

Here's the deal. I don't mind people saying that Christianity is the Truth and all other religions are missing the point (though they may contain some elements of truth). I don't mind if after carefully considering the beliefs and actions of a particular religion one concludes they are wrong. But to say that you are a Christian because other religions have such "crazy" beliefs? Um... have you ever read the Bible or looked closely at the fundamentals of Christianity? Let's look at how "crazy" some Christian beliefs are:

1) Noah got two of every single animal on a boat and there was a flood that covered the entire planet.
2) Jonah got eaten by a whale, survived for three days, and was vomited out unharmed.
3) Genesis 19. (WARNING: brief language and biblical themes)
4) Some kids got mauled by a bear for insulting Elisha's bald spot.
5) God is three separate entities and yet one (the Trinity).
6) Jesus was the Son of God, and both fully human and divine.
7) God became man in the form of Jesus, whereupon he was humiliated, tortured and killed (doesn't seem like something your average god would have on his to-do list).
8) Jesus rose from the dead - basically, Christianity is centered around a zombie.
9) Any of Jesus' miracles.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. My point is simply this: to dismiss other religious beliefs as crazy is to deny that Christianity is probably the craziest of them all.

Now, I'm not saying that Christianity isn't true or that people shouldn't follow it. On the contrary, if anything, its craziness is a plus in its favor. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis on why he converted from atheism, "Christianity seemed likely to me because it's something man couldn't have thought up... atheism was too simple." It's good that Christianity is crazy, because it's about God, and whatever God is, I'm pretty sure He's pretty out there. At least compared to us. All I'm trying to say is that to mock other religions because of how "out there" their beliefs are is hypocrisy. Plain and simple.

I want to be God.

This is what is pretty much at the root of all my spiritual struggles, and most likely what always has been. My biggest spiritual obstacle has always been my own head: I simply think about things way too much. I am always questioning everything, no matter how "basic" or "fundamental" it may seem, including myself and my own thoughts and actions. At times I get bogged down by doubt and uncertainty and the fact that I don't know everything, as much as I hate to admit it.

I want to know everything. I want to be able to look at Scripture and understand what every single word meant to its specific cultural audience, how it's been interpreted through the years, if it's been misread and if so then how. I want to know how God works, His every in and out. I don't want any detail from the past, present or future to be left unchecked, any question left unanswered.

I want to control everything. I want the world to revolve around me. I want my ideas to be the right ones, my actions to be the good ones, and my desires to be fulfilled. I want to be able to change the past. I want to control how people respond to me. I want to control how I respond to me. I want to control how God responds to me.

So yes, in essence, what it all boils down to is that I want to be God.

I guess when you think about it, this isn't surprising. If you believe the traditional mythology that Lucifer's chief sin was that he too wanted to be God (is this anywhere in the Bible?) then perhaps we all are linked to this sentiment through sin. C.S. wrote about how the greatest sin is pride, simply because it is from pride that all other sins are produced. If you're a literalist, pride is what caused Adam and Eve to eat the fruit - when they hearts suddenly went from thinking "God" to thinking "I." And what is the desire to be God, if not wanting to be able to have the ultimate pride in oneself?

It also isn't surprising when you take history and culture into account. In the modern age, after the Enlightenment, western culture became primarily about taking control. It's about approaching things rationally, breaking them down, drawing logical conclusions, and doing whatever the individual thinks is best rather than submitting to a higher authority. Our culture screams that we should take control of our own lives, and that if we work hard enough at something (even God, presumably) we will eventually figure it all out and be successful in it. Look at the world "objectively" and it will all make sense. Let's just forget the fact that this in itself is a social construct of control... just live your life how you want it, dude. In some ways, I guess we all want to be God, whether we admit it or not.

Surprising or not, I've concluded that this is at the root of all my spiritual conflict. I want to be God, but I'm not. I don't know everything, and I can't control everything. I rant and rave to God that He would show me the details of how He works and that everything would be made clear. He looks down and replies, "Sorry, there's only one position for God, and I'm already filling it."

This reminds me of the class I went to while I was visiting my dad at Wheaton, where they discussed the beliefs of certain monastic traditions. One monk (can't remember his name) theorized that life is one big spiritual cycle, repeated over and over. Let's see if I can remember the steps (I'm sure I'm forgetting some):

1) Purging - This is when the individual realizes he/she is broken and resolves to work hard to get back on track. Often it takes the form of repentance of sin, though not always.
2) High - I can't remember the official word for it, but basically the individual reaches a greater communion with God. A spiritual high.
3) Stagnancy - Things are still going great in life, but it seems like the heart is gone and the individual is just going through the motions.
4) Crisis of Faith - The crash. This can range from anything from minor doubts and sins to a serious upheaval of faith. Some monks have described there being at least one crisis of faith that lasts for years and involves tremendous struggle and hardship. On the other side of it though, it's all worth it.

I'm know I'm leaving something out, but those are the basics of the repeating cycle. As a side note: it seems to me those steps can also apply to relationships. Anyways, I think it's possible to describe this process in light of the conflict I've brought up:

1) Purging - "I am not God, but I'm aware of it and struggling to deal with it."
2) High - "Things are great. I'm starting to figure some things out, and learning to live with the things I don't."
3) Stagnancy - "I've got this faith thing down. I know all the answers. Yawn."
4) Crisis of Faith - "Holy crap, I'm not God! I don't know anything! Nothing makes sense anymore!"

And, repeat.

Anyways, that's where my brain has been lately. I guess at the end of the day I can conclude that I am a crazie on a quest for Godhood, hence the problems. I'm pretty sure I've made it through the Crisis of Faith stage and am currently on the bridge between Purging and High. There are days when I still feel extremely overwhelmed by everything and get really depressed, and other days when I feel like I just might be on the verge of something major and wonderful.

Ah, the Christian experience. At the very least, you can't say it's boring.

***

My statistics exam was meh. I think I passed, but I don't think I passed by much. I hate math.

***

I finished The Millenium Myth. It was alright, but not fantastic. I was hoping for some more specific info on interpretations of biblical passages and different threads of thought regarding eschatology. I recently got in a shipment of half a dozen books related to different areas of theology, though, so I'm happy about that. First up: The Reason For God by Timothy Keller, a book which the guy I've been talking to at Vintage21 said he is recommending to all his friends. I'm a few chapters in, and so far am thoroughly impressed. If it keeps up like this, I'm going to have to start recommending it to everyone I know as well, regardless of religious creed (or lack thereof).

***

Here's some exciting news: it looks like I might be working on a movie-related podcast again! Woohoo! Some of you remember that my involvement with Movie Survival Guide kind of faded away around a year and a half ago because Erik (the show creator) had some personal problems to take care of - like work issues and his house burning down, to name a few.

Within the past few months Erik has gotten back into the podcasting arena with a show called RandomChatter. He had some new help, though, and it didn't look like he needed me, so I figured my involvement was over. Then yesterday I got an email from him saying that they are going to be adding a new podcast called MovieChatter which will mainly focus on short film reviews, and he'd like me to be the backbone behind that. I said absolutely - I never turn down the opportunity for extracurricular movie-related activities! I loved being on the show before, the few times I was, so I'm hoping this time I might actually be able to stick with it and help it become a regular, worthwhile activity. Erik and Brian and the gang are great guys and it'll be a privilege to work with them again. At the moment it looks like I'll mainly be recording short reviews for MovieChatter, with occasional guest appearances on RandomChatter for longer discussions, though that may change. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, and be sure to tune in this weekend for our launch episode!

As a side note: to any fans of "Lost" out there (you know who you are!), Erik is also producing a podcast called LostChatter which revolves around discussion of episodes of the show. It's in the iTunes store, just waiting to be subscribed to. I'd listen to it if I was caught up on the show, but I'm not, so you'll have to let me know if the discussions are interesting.

***

Eight days until what is probably my favorite weekend of the year. That's right. Full Frame weekend! I've got my press confirmation, I've ordered some priority tickets, and I'm ready to go. I just need to survive until then...

So I was walking along today thinking about Life of Pi and other religions and how as Christians we often characterize them, and I had a sudden thought:

"Christianity is the craziest of all religions. This is okay."

And a few hours ago, I was walking back from small group, and had another "epiphany." I like walking alone in the dark, it gives me a short time to reflect on things without a lot of distractions. Anyways, I was walking along contemplating my present spiritual condition, analyzing how I've responded to things over the past year, and out of nowhere this thought materialized that I realized has been in my subconscious all along guiding my thought processes, but didn't directly clarify itself until now.

I thought to myself: "I want to be God."

Further elaboration and reflection on this will be posted later, after my statistics exam tomorrow that I'm not ready for.

Below is a video of Barack Obama's speech on race a few days ago. It is one of the best speeches I have ever heard, that neither defends the remarks made by his pastor but also acknowledges that racism has always been and still is a pervasive element in our society, and that he won't be able to fix it by himself over the course of four years.

He may be young(er). He may be inexperienced at the national level. He may also be somewhat naive. But if he can inject even half of the optimism and unity he speaks of into his presidency, I might be able to not silently cringe when I hear people speak of the United States as "the best country on Earth."



As a side note: based on some of the clips I've seen of Reverend Wright's speeches on television and online, I actually don't understand why he's seen as such a radical. To paraphrase a member of his congregation, "He's not a radical, he's just a black man living in America." A lot of the stuff he says is true, or at least has elements of truth in it. He's right when he says that blacks have been mistreated and still are mistreated. He's right when he says that American politics are in general run by old, white men. He's right when he says that for a long time the United States has had a Eurocentric attitude (and in many ways still does). He's right when he says that the 9/11 attacks weren't random, they were partially caused by our own mistakes in foreign policy and by our own aggression towards other countries. He's right when he says that in claiming God is on our side in the war we are no better than Al-queda members who claim Allah is on theirs.

In fact, the only major issue I have with Wright is that instead of calling for unity and change, he instead claims, "God damn America" for its mistakes. The problem here isn't that Wright is criticizing the USA - he's simply speaking from his own experience as a black man living in America, and God forbid we be made to acknowledge our problems (that might make us feel uncomfortable!). The problem is that he is condemning it rather than promoting change and unity, and giving up rather than continuing to hope.

Haven't updated in a while since I've been insanely busy and exhausted. Been taking a lot of naps. I wish I was still on spring break. Sigh.

***

I have gotten hooked on a new show and I can't finish it! I started watching In Treatment on HBO's website. It's a really well-written show about a psychotherapist and his weekly visits with four patients, as well as his own sessions with a therapist. But the website only has the first three weeks of the show to view, and I've caught portions of the latest two weeks on television. It's weird, because I know how things begin and how things are ending, but not about the transition between. I guess I'll have to find a way to watch the rest of the season after it's over.

Last Sunday I also caught the first two parts of the HBO mini-series John Adams. It's pretty interesting; I guess I'll have to keep watching. I never realized Adams was such a driving force behind the creation of the Declaration of Independence and getting the help of France in the Revolutionary War. Oh, and if George Washington was anything like David Morse portrays him, then he was way more intense than I'd imagined. Makes me want to shave my head, put on a wig, and go fight some British scum!

***

Last week I headed down to the Vintage21 offices downtown to talk to a few of the pastors about getting more involved. I also emailed them around two pages of theology-related questions. The past year I've started re-examining a lot of assumptions I previously held, some about "small" things and others about "big" things. I've gotten my hands on some recommended books, so it's time for a theology binge!

First up: a short little book by N.T. Wright about eschatology (the study of the end of the world). I've heard good things about Wright and have been meaning to read his work for a while, and so far he hasn't disappointed me. I'm only a few chapters in but he talks about how people have latched on to different interpretations about the Millennium and the return of Christ, the latest of course being the "Left Behind" sensation which swept the nation. I mean, I read a few of the books and they're not bad, but you have to admit some people take it way too literally and act like that's what's definitely going to happen. That's actually a very recently interpretation called dispensationalism that got started around 100-200 years ago. Anyways, it's interesting to look at how the end of the world has been interpreted throughout history and how there's usually a surge in interest in it around the turn of the new millennium (people thought Jesus was coming back in the year 1000, too). More thoughts to come after I finish the book.

***

This is the best PSA ever:



***

Did anyone catch that awesome speech Obama gave on race after the controversial comments made by his pastor? I just caught the highlights on the news. Even Jon Stewart stopped joking around long enough to observe: "And so, at 11:00 am on Tuesday, a prominent politician spoke to Americans about race... as though they were adults."

In case you haven't realized it by now, I'm an Obama fan. Also, though I've been saying it for a while, I am now officially stating now on my blog that I believe this man will be the next President of the United States. I'm calling it. It's gonna happen. You read it here first.

Quote of Da Moment:
“To affirm ‘the authority of scripture’ is precisely not to say, ‘We know what scripture means and don’t need to raise any more questions.’”
--N.T. Wright

I'm stuck in another airport. And unlike Kunming, there aren't any interesting protests to film.

My spring break went well. Went with my dad to a few of his classes and learned a little about counseling people. I spent most of my time sleeping, watching movies and playing Wii. It was scrumtrilescent.

Unfortunately, my flight back was delayed for around 4 hours, so by the time I arrived in Philadelphia I had already missed my connecting flight to Greensboro. Now I have the pleasure of sitting here in the airport until 7:25 in the morning - assuming it leaves on time. It's times like these I really hate flying.

I used my extra time to read all of Life of Pi. What an amazing, amazing book. The ending blew my mind, and I can't get it out of my head. I'm pretty sure it's making a few rather critical statements about religion, but I can't be sure. This is a book that everyone should read and mull over in their head for a few days (if not longer). It will probably mean different things to different people. If anyone reading this is familiar with it, let me know what you thought.

***

Before I forget, I organized all my email blog posts from China onto a new blog, for those of you who weren't part of the email group. It can be found here. Also: it has some pictures those of you who were on the email list probably haven't seen yet. So go take a look. For me.

***

If there was ever a book that should be adapted into a movie...



Quote of Da Moment:
"Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God, are hat-wearing Muslims."
--Life of Pi